A good day. No. a GREAT day.
A simple day, spent with, at different times, my three girls, my parents, a good friend in recovery, and a number of other people's children!
Nothing spectacular happened - but considering what I was doing this time last year ... boy, being sober is spectacular enough.
The day almost ended with me witnessing a nasty argument between my 17 year old and my ex wife when i dropped them off. it was over something really petty.
Dont get me wrong - my relationship with my ex is now really really good. Especially considering we could barely speak a word to each other 6 months ago.
I saw their argument for what it was; I saw both sides. I didnt pass immediate judgement.
However, after a moments thought, I offered my daughter to choice of whether or not she wanted to come back to my place. There was nothing loaded in my offer. No one upmanship whatsoever, and I can honestly, honestly say that.
I was frightened by how the ex would react, but we discussed it calmly, and she was grateful. My daughter came home with me.
Now, the truth is that I didnt think it was appropriate for my daughter to stay in the house in that atmosphere. I believe that my ex overeacted, and she holds grudges. No physical danger, but my daughter would have been emotionally isolated for the night.
However, I didnt cast judgement, I didnt do it for one upmanship, I didnt do it out of anger, or spite. I did it out of love.
Actually my ex was quite pleased with the arrangement.
(And time was, the last thing I wanted was my daughter staying an extra night, because THAT got in the way of my drinking and using).
The icing on the cake, for me, is that after I had cooked her dinner, she was doing homework on the PC, I was watching TV, preparing for the premier of 24, Day 6 - she sheepishly appeared and told me quite unembarrassedly that it was her time of the month and she didnt have the appropriate supplies .... I jumped in the car, drove out and got what she needed ....... well, the fact that a) she was able to talk to and b) that I was able to drive, is an amazing thing in itself.
The hilarious thing (to me) is that when I returned, I settled down again ... 10 minutes to go til 24, and she reappeared, apologetically telling me I had got the wrong kind. WELL I AM A BLOKE AFTER ALL!!!!!
i didnt even think twice. I just got back in the car and went to a different store.
As I left the house she said "sorry Dad", and I replied "you havent got anything to be sorry about".
The long and short of it is, she now has 4 different brands of what she needs (yes, I am still a compulsive...), she is happy, 24 is recorded and waiting for me (Jack Bauer's missions are NOTHING compared to mine!) and I SO SO GRATEFUL for another day of being sober and being present and being emotionally and physically available.
4 comments:
hilarious...teenage girls ...oops I used to be one!
I don't know who would have survived your situation: Jack Bauer or his daughter Kim. Kim is soooooo annoying, but she just won't seem to die despite being incredibly stupid, maybe a showdown about woman's monthly necessities would put Jack over the edge and finally send Kimmy off with Nina.
I could hope, can't I?
(Good for you in managing the post-divorce life. My sister and her ex are not alcoholics, but they are managing to make a disaster out of child rearing in the wake of their divorce. I think the 12-steps would be of great benefit to both of them.)
~Judith
As they say in TC (theurapeutic community), "To be aware is to be alive".
Thank you for your comments. Especially coming from Pink Floyd(er). For more info about Pink Floyd, go to http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Pink+Floyd#endnote_rf-1.
Take care and God's bless.
Hi Matthew
Cold enough in London for you today? :-)
A good day in recovery is a great day. Even an okay day in recovery is better than the last day of my drinking/coke-ing. Infact, even a shitty day in recovery etc, etc
Post a Comment