Flu, Girls, Headspace ..... and recovery recovery recovery .....

Okay. Flu is a bit of an exageration. But im a guy right? Dont we all turn colds into flu? Mind you I didnt take any time off work. (and I didnt stop smoking either).
Last week was a bit of a whirl in my mind. With the benefit of hindsight, I think I was coming down with something from Monday onwards ....... oversleeping, getting paranoid, worrying ...... sore throat ..... but at least I kept the meetings up quite well. Over the counter cold remedies kept me going ....
And a DATE. an actual date. With a girl?! Cant believe that. And it went really well. And I was a true gent. Despite all my fears and worries and paranoia. (i sometimes think I am just a walking ball of paranoia).
I think I want to see her again as well. And I think she might want to see me again too. I think she might even think that I am a nice guy. I think I might even be starting to believe that myself .... could it be true?
Someone at work resigned today. I am very proud because he is moving on to a better job - and I gave him his first job, 2 years ago, and have been training him up. I am letting him go 2 weeks early, and even helped him negotiate with his new boss to be, and am providing his reference.
Just about a year ago, this dude saw me at close to my worst ever. How things change!
Been doing good meetings. Am particularly into mens meetings at the moment. Dont know why exactly; i am finding an intimacy there that I like.
Got another commitment. In fact, I am sharing it. I put my hand up a millisecond before the other guy, so I suggested we both take it. That felt good.
BUT IM STILL GETTING NOWHERE WITH STEP 4!!!! Asked sponsor to set me a deadline. He wasnt too keen on that. Instead he told me to make diary appointments with myself to do it. ARG.
I also feel like i am in the twilight zone - 11 months and 6 days and 58 minutes!
Why am I hung up on getting a year? I have had a year before and relapsed, so it doesnt mean that much. Is there a pride thing going on? so I can be "over a year" at meetings when you go round the room with sobriety time? Dont even want to think about it. Quality not quantity. My recovery is the best its ever been right now, a day at a time. I keep a one day whie NA keyring on me (with my keys on it, dur.).
Thats enough for me right now.
This time a year ago I was going down down down. And there was further still to go.
That could come back at ANY TIME if I pick up a drink or a drug. Its bloody scary to think that, but I need to keep those thoughts close, so it doesnt sneak up on me and grab me by the balls.
Recovery is so precious and so fragile.
I keep having this dream. In my dream, I relapsed, but didnt tell anyone.
I was in the shower this morning, and the dream was so real I wondered if it actually were true! Thats how little I trust myself.
ARG. One day at a time.
The monkey mind is racing!